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Comments
Garnet: [angry] "No nigger, I am the almighty Garnet!"
Clyde: [mega pissed] "More like a racist Putin loving fuck!" [leaps at Garnet and starts beating the shit out of her!]
- Reply
Only for it to turn out it was all in his head because Clyde is an 11-year-old kid picking a fight with a superstrong alien capable of shattering stone with her bare hands and she's just holding him by his collar while he uselessly flails in the air, thinking he's actually hitting her.
Garnet: This is sad.
- Reply
As Garnet is literally just a living Hologram and the hardest of metals are typically incredibly brittle and heavy, the bat shatters and did nothing beyond piss Garnet off. Turning around, she gives Pam Grier an atomic wedgie, before flipping off Clyde and leaping into the sunset. "YOU TWO ARE ASSHOLES!! I LEARNED WHAT THAT IS FROM GREG!!!"
Samuel: "Hey aliens. How you E.T.'s doin'?"
Garnet: "We're doin' okay. Now who are you and what are you doing here?"
Samuel: "I am a co-star from the movie Jackie Brown, you remember Jackie Brown dont'ya?"
Garnet: "Never seen it."
Samuel: "Now I'm gonna guess here: you're Garnet, leader of the Crystal Gems, right?"
Garnet: "Yes."
Samuel: "Exactly. Well, you remember a woman named Pam Grier, dont'ya Garnet?"
Garnet: "You mean that woman that some dumb kid mistaken me with?"
Samuel: "Very good. Looks like me and John caught you eating. What'cha eatin'?"
Garnet: "Why should I answer tha..."
Samuel: "WHAT ARE YOU EATING?"
Garnet: "What-A-Burger."
Samuel: "What-A-Burger. That's that Texan burger joint. I heard they got some tasty burgers. I ain't never had one myself, how are they?"
Garnet: "Why don't you try one for yourself?"
Samuel: [grabs the burger and take a bite of it] "Uuummmm, that's a tasty burger. You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France?"
Garnet: "Not familiar with your planet's fast food names."
Samuel: "Tell 'em, John."
John: "Royale with Cheese."
Samuel: "Ever know why they call it that?"
Garnet: "Some metric system?"
Samuel: "Correct." [sees Garnet's soda, starts drinking it.]
Garnet: "Who are you, what's your name? I got his name's John, but what's yours?"
Samuel: "My name's Jules, and you ain't talkin' your ass outta this shit."
Garnet: "Is this because I gave that Pam Grier an atomic wedgie?"
Samuel: [takes out his gun and SHOOTS Pearl, Amethyst and Steven with a nuclear laser right at their weak spots with pinpoint accuracy shattering them!]
Garnet: [shits herself, paranoid]
Samuel: "Oh, I'm sorry. Did that break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. I believe you were saying something about "atomic wedgies."
Garnet: [silence]
Samuel: [SNAPS, SAVAGELY TIPPING the card table over, removing the only barrier between himself and Garnet.] "What planet you from?!"
Garnet: [petrified] "Huh?"
Samuel: "Huh" ain't no planet I know! Do they speak English in "Huh?"
Garnet: [near malfunction] "Huh?"
Samuel: "English-motherfucker-can-you-speak-it?"
Garnet: "Yes."
Samuel: "Now tell me about that atomic wedgie you gave Pam Grier!"
Garnet: [out of fear] "Well she... she... attacked me... and she... she... was armed –
Samuel: – does she look like a cunt?!"
Garnet: [without thinking] "Huh?"
Samuel: [SHOOTS Garnet in the shoulder]
Garnet: [SCREAMS, breaks into SHAKING/TREMBLING SPASM]
Samuel: "Does-she-look-like-a-cunt?!"
Garnet: [in agony] "No."
Samuel: "Then why did you try to fuck 'er like a cunt?!"
Garnet: [in spasm] "I didn't."
Samuel: "Yes ya did Garnet. Ya tried ta fuck 'er. You ever read the Bible, Garnet?"
Garnet: [in spasm] "I think."
Samuel: "There's a passage I got memorized when me and John did Pulp Fiction, seems appropriate for this situation: Ezekiel 25:17." "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my
vengeance upon you." [Samuel and John raises their guns at Garnet]
Garnet: [SCREAMS]
Samuel and John: [lowers their guns]
Garnet: "Oh, phew."
Samuel and John: [raises their guns]
Garnet: [SCREAMS]
Samuel and John: [lowers their guns]
Garnet: [relieved]
Samuel and John: [raises their guns]
Garnet: [SCREAMS]
Samuel: [lowers his gun]
John: "Can't we stop trolling this bitch and just shoot her already?"
Samuel and John: [EMPTYS guns at the same time on Garnet until she shatters into pieces]
- Reply
Garnet: "K09, you bastard! Come up with something to counteract that hack who hates Slayerduck and Mr. K!"
- Reply